Now, at some point in this description of marriage, I hope you inserted your mental sarcasm font.
Yes, marriage can and should be all of those things, but unless you are already perfected, it won't be any of those things all of the time.
The Family a Proclamation to the World says "Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth with the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ."
I only have the experience of my own 26 year marriage and those of my family and friends, to base my observations on, but marriage is hard, It's no wonder that this is the only way we can be perfected and live an eternal life. How else are you going to learn all your weaknesses than to live with someone who brings them out on a daily basis? There is no better way to know who you truly are than to share a bed, bathroom, bank account with the same person for eternity. Then throw kids into the mix and your flaws are not only glaring, but they have replicated into tiny little humans.
My hubby and I often look and each other and wonder how we are making it all work. In 26 years we have moved 10 times, had 6 children, 8 years of school, and 22 jobs. Marriage is defiantly not for the faint of heart. And the years don't make it necessarily easier, but more comfortable. And the definition of love can change.
Jeffrey R. Holland, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, recently said regarding marriage, "There is no way that you could know while you're dating, and there's no way that you can know in that first year of marriage. There's no way you can know in the first decade of marriage to know how you're gonna feel--the way we feel after a half century of marriage. Love is what you go through together."
This quote gives me all the feels! It is spot on how I feel about love. The good times, hard times, frustrating, soul crushing moments of life are what creates commitment and an enduring bond. "Hey honey remember when we managed low income apartments in a war zone? Hey remember how we went through medical school with 4 kids? Remember that time we had to declare bankruptcy and foreclosed on our home? Remember, how I started having anxiety attacks and thought I would die?" Yep. Good times. To be perfectly cliche, it did not kills us and it made us stronger. Marriage is built on the experiences that we go through together and survive together.
I have contemplated some of the things that have kept my marriage ticking when it has taken a beating. Here is my non-conventional list:
1. Inside jokes. One word, one movie quote, one side glance and we know to what we're referring. It's a silent bond that says, yea, I get you.
2. Not doing everything together. Yes, date nights are good but so are girls night out and boys day on the mountain bikes. Our own space, hobbies, TV shows are good thing.
3. Texting. Yes I said texting. We can discuss, argue, disagree, and kiss and make up with a thumb stroke. No, nothing beats face to face communication, but in our busy, busy lives, when we are not always together, it keeps us connected.
4. Kissing and making up. Yes we argue and fight sometimes. We may even not talk for a day or so. It's how we roll. But we always, always come back together. We kiss. We say sorry. We make-up.
5. Physical attraction. What can I say? My hubby still floats my boat. We have both worked hard at staying attractive to each other. And me, with the slower metabolism, has had to work even harder. We both have grey hairs and wrinkles popping out. But we're aging gracefully together. We still love holding hands, cuddling and making out.
6. Unconditional support. We support each others aspirations and hobbies. I can start a half dozen different stay-at-home business and let them crash and burn with my husband's blessing. I in turn have let him pursue his dreams. "What every makes you happy dear,", is our mantra.
7. Values. Our values are the same. We never have to discuss or decide what we are going to believe, how we are going to worship or what values and beliefs to teach the kids.
6. Temple covenants. There are three of us in this relationship. Me, my hubby, and our covenants with God. We do not take them lightly and when we feel the strain and weight of life, it is our covenants made in the temple and the promise of an eternal family that keep us from imploding.
When the hubby and I go to a wedding reception we grin at the fresh love of the bride and groom and wonder if they know what they're getting into. No, no they don't. And that is probably a good thing.
